Here begins the journey into grief. Please read the “About” page. I’m jumping in to my story as the realization hits that the plane is late and search efforts are needed.
You provide all I need, always. Your tender mercies are new every morning and in the watches of the night Your hand guides me. You hem me in behind and before. Your thoughts for me are more than the sands of the seashore. I am overwhelmed, overcome with Your care for me, moving me toward this moment of time.
I don’t know what I will look back on this time as since I don’t know how the story will unfold, but I don’t want to miss this, the depths of love poured out, the depth of weeping and uncertainty. All of it.
I do desperately want them all home. It is harder to keep hope that it will be my story as the hours go on. Right now I don’t have regrets. I didn’t hug Kaitlyn or Zach and barely kissed Scott this morning/yesterday morning, but what a sweet kiss that was; but I know they know they are loved by me. I have many hugs to draw from. How glad I am there was no tension as we all left. Thank you.
I know I don’t yet know how this will turn out but my mind still runs. How to celebrate their lives to include the most people. Life in Port Alsworth without them. Sam going off to college. An empty house. Filling it and being able to continue to love people well. I don’t know what purpose these ramblings serve but here I am.
Gratitude. My primary emotion and thought right now is is gratitude.
- People praying.
- Unlimited internet so I don’t need to think about listening to hymns on YouTube.
- A greater purpose than me to be confident of in all this.
That a critical spirit and complaining would have no place in what comes out of my mouth during the stress.
That I would walk by faith well.
That I would lead Josh and Sam well through this.
That Your kingdom would be advanced, darkness pushed back. Oh how my heart longs for that.
That my body would function well.
Your peace and strength are undeniable and so amazing.
My physical heart seems to be having the hardest time. It’s like its supercharged and working overtime. I do wish it would calm down. And my stomach isn’t so great right now either. May I not have any trouble with it right now, all day into the future of this story.
Oh, Father, help me to love well all those who long to help today.
Thank you for the technology that allows me to glimpse the people standing with us. That crazy time in your life when your whole Facebook feed is about you and you didn’t write any of it.
But now thus says the Lord,
He who created you, O Jacob,
He who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
17 thoughts on “The waiting”
Dear Julie, thank you for sharing your heart. I too know grief, as it often lingers on. I know that God is faithful, even when we are not sure where “all this will lead”. I think of you and pray for you often. May You know His presence near you each step in each day. Love, Theresa
W.O.W……(sniff, watery eyes)-Julie-thank you for letting me into your very vulnerable, raw, beautiful heart -you have blessed my heart at a poignant time–and I couldn’t help but think, “wow, Lord–she has really grown up/deepened in the 14 years since we were together–look how You were preparing her all this time”. Keep going, Julie! This feels very important and I’m seeing a book-maybe a movie in your future!❤kari
My prayers continue to be with you and for you, Josh and Sam as you make this journey. May your guardian angels be with you and the Holy Spirit guide you.
Keep the writing going. Don’t stop and don’t ever feel unsure that what you are writing is wrong. The four months and now two years of writing that I have done since my husband was injured in a gas explosion helped me just as much as it helped/inspired all of our friends, family and total strangers that came to know our family and our journey. God always has a plan.
I am praying. The Lord is on our side, darkness may try to overtake us but God is Mighty. May God’s peace fill your heart.
Thanks for sharing Julie……Praying for you and your boys as you walk through these days that none of us can even comprehend except those that have already walked through. Much love to you and I look forward to seeing you and visiting. Know that you have been prayed for here in Boone, NC by hundreds. Much love to you
Such s personal look into your heart during a time of confusion, hope and surrender to His plan. Thank you for sharing Julie.
Please know sweet family that I am praying, praying for y’all, every time I think of you! May the Lords peace that passeth understanding be yours. Lela( Chappys aunt)
Thanks so much for doing this blog! In Mexico I am with you! Elena
Thank you Julie for the glimpse into your personal path of grief but not as one without hope.
Julie, We have been praying for you and your family ever since we heard this news. Right now, things may be dark and that is o.k. God and Jesus are still there holding you and your remaining children. From time to time you will know this because of a glimmer of anticipation for a future that is positive….it will take time, but it will come. Your long standing faith in a loving God will keep you day by day. Much love, Delores Levander
Praying for you. Linking my faith with yours in total agreement….
Oh Julie- what a beautiful thing to do-to let us walk beside you. You give me courage!
Your words inspire me to hold on tighter, pray more fervently, be grateful more often. Thank you!
Your new journey to grief that you didn’t plan but are in Gods hands has helped me this week to know the journey is his not mine, thank you.
HI Julie. This is Linda Plett from Colorado Springs. I ran in to Michelle Dalrymple at the gym and she told me of your loss. I cried for you. I am now reading your blog and am thankful that we got to be friends. It looks like you continue to press into the One Who Sees You. I don’t really have words for you, but I wanted you to know that you can still count me as friend (that is, if you even remember me!). “Looking for the blessed hope and the appearing of the glory of our God and Savior, Christ Jesus.” (Titus 2:13)
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Linda! It’s good to hear from you.