Here begins the journey into grief. Please read the “About” page. I’m jumping in to my story as the realization hits that the plane is late and search efforts are needed.
You provide all I need, always. Your tender mercies are new every morning and in the watches of the night Your hand guides me. You hem me in behind and before. Your thoughts for me are more than the sands of the seashore. I am overwhelmed, overcome with Your care for me, moving me toward this moment of time.
I don’t know what I will look back on this time as since I don’t know how the story will unfold, but I don’t want to miss this, the depths of love poured out, the depth of weeping and uncertainty. All of it.
I do desperately want them all home. It is harder to keep hope that it will be my story as the hours go on. Right now I don’t have regrets. I didn’t hug Kaitlyn or Zach and barely kissed Scott this morning/yesterday morning, but what a sweet kiss that was; but I know they know they are loved by me. I have many hugs to draw from. How glad I am there was no tension as we all left. Thank you.
I know I don’t yet know how this will turn out but my mind still runs. How to celebrate their lives to include the most people. Life in Port Alsworth without them. Sam going off to college. An empty house. Filling it and being able to continue to love people well. I don’t know what purpose these ramblings serve but here I am.
Gratitude. My primary emotion and thought right now is is gratitude.
- People praying.
- Unlimited internet so I don’t need to think about listening to hymns on YouTube.
- A greater purpose than me to be confident of in all this.
That a critical spirit and complaining would have no place in what comes out of my mouth during the stress.
That I would walk by faith well.
That I would lead Josh and Sam well through this.
That Your kingdom would be advanced, darkness pushed back. Oh how my heart longs for that.
That my body would function well.
Your peace and strength are undeniable and so amazing.
My physical heart seems to be having the hardest time. It’s like its supercharged and working overtime. I do wish it would calm down. And my stomach isn’t so great right now either. May I not have any trouble with it right now, all day into the future of this story.
Oh, Father, help me to love well all those who long to help today.
Thank you for the technology that allows me to glimpse the people standing with us. That crazy time in your life when your whole Facebook feed is about you and you didn’t write any of it.
But now thus says the Lord,
He who created you, O Jacob,
He who formed you, O Israel:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name, you are mine.
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.