I am weary. And I am weary of being weary. I’m tired from missing them. I’m tired for trying to figure out how to be a mom in this new reality. I’m tired of having no one to take care of me. I’m tired of being the boss of me. I’m tired of only having memories. I’m tired of having the FAFSA and taxes hanging over my head. I’m tired of wondering if I can handle my finances well. I’m tired of wondering how my story will play out. I’m tired of being tired.
I feel overwhelmed by being identified by grief. I don’t like being so unpredictable. I don’t like that I can’t commit to things and know for sure I’ll be able to carry them out. I feel tired of my own thoughts looping and wonder how they sound when I try to share them with others.
But I seem to recall that Jesus said something about being tired, weary, worn thin.
“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28 NLT
But when I looked up the word “weary” it turns out it’s more than just this time that weariness is addressed. Here it is even connected to grieving.
“For I have given rest to the weary and joy to the sorrowing.” Jeremiah 31:25 NLT
Another translation says “For I will satisfy the weary soul, and every languishing soul I will replenish.” (ESV)
Weary, langushing. I resonate with those words. What I see with those words is the beautiful words rest, and satisfy, and replenish, and joy.
How kind and compassionate is God to know those are the very things I need and cannot provide for myself. I am reminded again that His ways are so much higher than mine. He is so other than I am in all the best sorts of ways.
“Have you never heard? Have you never understood? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding.” Isaiah 40:28 NLT
Never?! Never weary. The God who loves me is not constrained by a limited capacity or a finite amount of energy. What a glorious gift!
Just one more…
“The Sovereign Lord has given me his words of wisdom, so that I know how to comfort the weary. Morning by morning he wakens me and opens my understanding to His will.” Isaiah 50:4 NLT
Letting that just sink in. Knowing how to comfort the weary. This is my desire even as I desire to be comforted and once again I see that God has provided His words of wisdom to do just that. I can trust His wisdom to be just what I need to give and to receive. But it doesn’t stop there! Morning by morning my understanding being open to His will. I find that I know I don’t have it within me to enter in to either of these things. I’m too weary. He then amazes me by offering me all His never-weary resources.
The unexpected journey into grief 
Such precious promises in our moments of weakness and weariness! I have seen the Lord doing this very thing in my life this past week. He is so faithful! Your candidness encourages all of us to just be honest with where we are at and wait for the Lord to meet us in that moment . Thank you! Praying for you!
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Thank you for sharing your heart with us. You have blessed me this day and I thank you. Much love and prayers to you and your boys.
Jane
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Thank you, Jane.
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Oh Julie! This resonates so with me! I see this in my husband, who is so weary from the lingering effects of chemo, and often says as you do that he’s tired of being tired. And I, too, have felt that weariness. Yet I know we probably haven’t felt it to the extreme you are experiencing day by day right now. And yet, as you write, God’s Word and His promises are there to encourage us that He never tires, is never weary, and offers us just what we need moment by moment. My prayers continue for you often.
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Thank you, Debi. Praying for refreshment for you both today.
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Julie, I am always so blessed by what you share with each post. I have not had to walk through what you are walking through, but because you are sharing so vulnerably and openly from your heart, your words bring life and encouragement to all of us, your readers. You are blessing others even as you walk this road of grief. I am truly encouraged by your words in this “weary” post. I am on the mission field here in the Philippines and am currently nearing the end of helping teach an intensive five-week course…it’s getting hard to get up each morning. Your words refresh and encourage me today. Thank you. I feel you are a friend; we’ve just not met yet! I am praying for you.
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Shelley, thank you for letting me in to your story. Praying for you as you finish strong.
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My heart and soul stop as I read your words…then I read His Word and they start up again. HIs presence and His Word sustains….what (who) else is strong enough to redeem?
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It is so true! Where else can I go? He has the words of life!
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Julie, I had to share this with my Moms in Prayer group. Indeed, to Whom else can we crawl to in our weariness. I love how the whole counsel of God gives us a bigger picture in which we can find that our Lord is much more than we make Him out to be.
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