Life in the new normal

julie

Five months ago right now was a Wednesday morning like so many others. Breakfast being made, eaten and cleaned up. Showers taken. Bags packed. We were headed to town. The morning was busy but not frantic. There was not a sense of foreboding or finality. There were tasks and instructions. Quick hugs and a kiss. Mail to be mailed. Planes to catch. 

As I rode in my seat on the way to Anchorage I couldn’t help but think how much like a minivan it felt. So normal. So a part of life. When we moved to Port Alsworth I distinctly remember standing on the edge of the runway waving as the plane carrying Sam to a cross country meet took off. And I knew that at some point that would all seem very routine. I wondered how long it would take for that to happen. 

At some point it did. 

Normal: Putting up salmon each summer
Normal: spending time fishing
Normal: climbing mountains in our back yard
Normal: riding 4-wheelers everywhere

When people come to visit for the first time they sometimes ask me to tell them what special things they might need to know as they prepare to come. I do my best to tell them, with the caveat that I’ve forgotten what is different. The unusual has become routine. The shocking barely noticed. So many things that used to dismay now require no extra energy. 
I wonder if it’s a little bit the same with this new story. At some point some of the shocking things have become routine and I expect at some point those that still cause electric shocks to run through my body will become only twinges. When every part of life seems to take a Herculean effort, I look at where life has taken me so far and I find myself hoping at some there will be less effort for simple things. 

And it doesn’t mean I love less or my memories is failing. It means the God of great grace and kindness loves me and makes a way for me to keep walking in these familiar places that became a foreign land that will again become familiar. 

So today I do remember that morning again. And my heart squeezes at wishing for more hugs, more time, more “I love yous”. In the wishing I am grateful that some of the intensity is less. I realize that I am getting used to my new story. It is another one of God’s great mercies that are new every morning. 

7 thoughts on “Life in the new normal”

  2. Hi, you don’t know me but I am friends with the Boe family and heard your story. I am also going through a time of intense grieving and I find comfort in your writing. The Herculean effort in small things is especially relatable. Thank you for writing about your experience, I hope it brings you comfort.

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  3. Julie, I’ve read a few of your blogs (when Rochelle posts them), and they are beautiful. I’ve not met you, but I knew Scott at CSU Cru and prayed for you all during the search and after the search. I do hope your blog writing is helping in the healing, as it certainly touches deeply all who read it. Keeping you in my prayers as the Spirit brings you to mind.

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