The shore of the life we had, the 6 of us is receding into the distance behind me. There is no going back there. Part of me longs to swim or paddle faster toward …well, toward the next thing, suppose. The not this and the not that.
And while there are moments when I want to be somewhere, there are plenty that the rocking and rolling the sinking and floating of the now feels strangely…what…like, all I can do maybe.
Even last week I had more of a desire for the “next”. Now the shore of what is next looks so far away and I feel unprepared for it anyway, so I’m glad it’s not here.
I know the analogy falls short, but the numb and the unpredictable of now is all I can imagine. Sometime maybe I’ll pray about this to be used to transform me in ways only this journey can.
For today I will just be. I have nothing else.