Those first few weeks I had an almost tangible sense of being covered and sheltered. I was so thankful since I didn’t have the energy or the words to figure out what I needed. The measure of God’s grace was palpable. 

Since those days I’ve been aware that I have more “normal”, every day sorts of struggles- pride, getting out of bed, making a meal, cleaning up a mess, taking my thoughts captive. I have moments of thinking that it doesn’t seem fair that I have to struggle with sin or the wiles of the enemy while I’m bearing the weight of grief. Really?! 

So I went down that road with the Lord. And here’s where I ended up. 

I am only as unprotected as I choose to be. My refuge and strength are always available. I only need to ask. To notice. To choose. 

“But I will sing of your strength; I will sing aloud of your steadfast love in the morning. For you have been to me a fortress and a refuge in the day of my distress. O my Strength, I will sing praises to you, for you, O God, are my fortress, the God who shows me steadfast love.” -Psalm 59:16-17

And if my heart’s best place is depending on God, and I believe it is, then needing to ask is just what my heart requires to keep me in my right place and God in His. 

And I see that it is His grace to me in this as well. The asking. The seeing the answers. The sensing His presence. 

Those first days and weeks were unique. I am glad to not be there. But I do cherish the sweetness of being held so close. No words. Just presence. Breathing. Being. 

I choose to go there now. My heart needs it and it is ever waiting for me because my Heavenly Father not only knows what I need, but has all the power to provide it. 

12 thoughts on “Protected

  1. “I am only as unprotected as I choose to be.” I think I need these words tattooed on my forehead or hand. Thank you, Julie, for inviting us into your journey again, and for reminding me of this life-giving reality.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Your words bring to mind the opening lines of one of my favorite Psalms, 16: “Keep me safe, O God, for I have come to You for refuge.” (Refuge from fatigue, discouragement, frustration…myself.) Your words are true. Thank you for sharing.


  3. This really resonated with me. I have tried to figure out how to describe those first few weeks after Knox died and you just did… protected… sheltered… cared for. We share a God that loves us well through the hard times; grateful you know Him and this truth.


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