It was the day of searching, the night of waiting. The final kiss and glimpse and touch. The phone near my hand at every moment. News? Silence. People praying. Texting. Drifting to sleep. Shallow and then back to waiting.
I can see myself there. I remember. The closing of a book, not just a chapter. The final words written. Can’t add or take away. It just is.
And I see myself now, living after the dying. Some joy, even some easy days. Fewer tears. More thoughts. In the next volume. Uncertain how this story will be written.
And then I remember that I know the Author. He is love. He is a good Father. He loves me and has a plan. But this plan hurts now. My heart aches.
Once again I bring Him my widow’s mite. All I have. My hurting heart. My uncertainty in the future. My memories. My regrets. My thoughts. My plans. I don’t know what to do with them. I trust He does.
The unexpected journey into grief 
Precious thoughts fragrant with love and faith in Christ. Only through the press of suffering can this treasure come. Thank you Julie for sharing your heart in this journey.
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Nicely written. Love the picture filled w/ memories of your family having fun together.
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I never fail to see and hear how our Heavenly Father is so faithful when I read “Beautifully Hard” thank you for sharing your journey with so many! Always in my thoughts and prayers!
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Just as your family is holding you I pray that you are being held by the hands that understand and know the pain of your loss the most.
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No words…only feelings…..
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I do not know you and live a world away, but wish I could carry a little of your pain. Our God is a mighty Comforter and I know He is near to you and able to carry it all. Lifting prayers up for you and your boys.
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Gina, thank you for praying for I’m convinced God does allow you to carry a little for me in that.
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