The words I wrote to share at the celebration of life service on December 18, 2016.

Here we are. We’ve walked the days, ridden the waves to bring us to this moment. A couple hours, words, pictures fall so short of adequately representing the lives of three people we loved well. They are such poor mediums compared to smiles, hugs and the presence of a husband, father, daughter, sister, son, brother, friend.

We did love each other well. When Scott would travel I would often remind the kids that the sadness of missing him was really a blessing because it meant we loved him. Being glad he’s gone would be terrible!

And so it is now.

This past week and a half has been full of so many conflicting thoughts and emotions.

Sweet memories. Bitter stabs. Anger. Anguish.

So many words. No words.

Wanting to shout their stories, then wishing I could only whisper them to those who will hold it close and cherish it.

Strength and weakness.

Questions and assurance.

An overwhelming sense of God’s compassion knowing the pain that will be ever present until we can see the whole story clearly. 

Amazement at God’s very poignant and personal provision and kindness.

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Zach was one of the most content and joyful people you could ever hope to meet. He was fully present wherever he was.

The smile and the twinkle.

The hugs- he was so generous with them. He was so tender toward me.

He loved little ones. He had a great ability to have it be about their joy.

He diligently spent time in God’s Word.

I had the privilege of having him home for school during the mornings. Oh what a treasured gift that is to me. There I saw him grow comfortable in his own skin. I enjoyed his quirky sense of humor, nearly constant singing and animal cracker snacks at 10:15. (If you want to remember Zach, listen to the Disney channel on Pandora.)

I saw him learn to work hard. I keep thinking that since this life has an impact on our life in eternity, he must have needed that to enjoy heaven just a little bit more. And I got to be the one to get him ready.

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Kaitlyn, my sweet, determined, strong, tender girl.

I’m thankful for the glimpse into the woman she was becoming.

She did friendship better than just about anyone.

Her skills of observation and delight in gift-giving.

Her way with words.

Her baking and letter writing.

Her drive to be on time everywhere she went. (“Are you ready to go, Sam?”)

Her no nonsense view of life.

Her love for the outdoors.

Her planning and leading and caring for others.

The twinkle in her eye.

Her sense of adventure.

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And Scott. Oh, I am the most blessed wife.

We did life honest and messy and beautiful.

We lived in the light.

We laughed a lot.

He spoke words of love and truth over me so often.

The sweetness of our marriage- a gift.

He loved well. Oh, so well.

He knew me, all of me and he loved me.

He was the picture of Christ’s love; to be fully known and fully loved. It’s available.

He loved well because he knew he was loved by God. One of his favorite verses, though he said that about a lot of verses this is one of the ones I remember him mentioning decades ago…

“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are.”  -1 John 3:1

And that is what I will keep coming back to in the moments that will turn into days and weeks and months and years- the miracle that the God of the universe made a way for me to know Him.

His mercies are new every morning.