Real food

 I remember in the first days when my body seemed to hate me and my heart raced incessantly and my stomach hated food even though I needed it. And then, the dinner where the food tasted divine and my stomach received it. I felt so revived. Caribou steak and sauteed green beans. I can almost taste them now.
Then for the first time in 2 1/2 months I dig into God’s Word, really dig. It’s been flowing over me and it’s felt like Scripture has been administered by feeding tube or IV when I was too weak to feed myself. But today I have had my first solid meal. And oh, it tastes so good.

So I share my first “real meal” in months. The grace of it showed up when I was so very tired. It’s sweetness lingers.

But it starts with weakness and hunger.

I just don’t know. Breathe. It’s okay not to know. One thing at a time.

Breathe. Rest. Wait. Walk. Listen. Wait. Cry. Laugh. Be here. Wait. Play games. Make food. Ask for help. Offer help. Give. Receive. Watch tv. Sit by the fire. Be.

Mary, not Martha. At the feet of Jesus. Hanging on His words and His thoughts toward me. Those thoughts are good and I am thankful.

Luke 10:38-42.
38 Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. 39 And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. 40 But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” 41 But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, 42 but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”

sat at the Lord’s feet and listened.

But Martha…

was distracted.
Mary’s choice…
active- sat, listened.
But Martha
passive, was distracted. (Nerd alert: perispao from “to draw” and “through/all over”.) It’s happening to her.

It takes no effort to be dragged around and distracted, but it takes active choice to sit and listen. Mary “has chosen”. I think that’s where the difference lies. Actively choosing Jesus. Otherwise the distractions will draw me away, drag me through it.

Then Martha was anxious and Mary had chosen.

Mary chose the good portion. It was available. All it took was a choice. All of Jesus is is available to me, always, freely. All I have to do is choose.

12 thoughts on “Real food

  1. What a beautiful exhortation to all of us…in or out of grief: to actively choose rest at the feet of Jesus. Thank you for blessing your readers as you follow Jesus through your unexpected journey. May His grace continue to abound toward you and your sons.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Julie, how amazing you can communicate what you are needing & walking through! It is what we all need actually! It seems the distractions are ever increasing – but a choice is all it takes! so well said! thank you and prayers continue for you & your family to find all that you need at His feet


  3. Oh, this is so timely for me to read! I’ve been a little busybody lately and haven’t “chosen” to actively listen. I need to make the active choice! Thanks for he reminder!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Julie,
I have been wanting to read your posts, to know how it’s going. And finally made the time today. For two hours, I have poured over your beautiful, heart-aching journey of grief and joy. Thank you for your vulnerability to share. It is a real gift and blessing- to be able to enter in to such a deep journey of the heart- into the pain and also the provision of God’s guiding grace, strength, and hope. What a wonderful example you are of faith and courage- to keep living in His light and allowing others in. I am in awe of the perspective He has and is giving you to navigate the reality of crippling loss and to still fix your gaze on the glory and sufficiency of God in Christ (and to point others to Him in the midst). Your words are so beautiful, poignant, vivid. Your ability to capture the essence of what you are feeling and what is going on is rich and significant. I praise God for the gift He has given you to communicate, and I pray your journey is heard far and wide for His glory and others’ comfort. I pray for His rest, wisdom, Word and peace to keep washing over you, giving you strength and guidance for each day.

    Much love in Christ,
julie t


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