Today is a hard day.
The pathways in my mind and heart that say that they will be home at some point are more often getting the message that it is not true. The waves. The way is so long. If there is strength for this journey it must come from my Savior. I have nothing that equips me other than that.
So today I rest and cry and feel. It’s not from a great wealth of wisdom, but only because it is all I can see to do.
Romans 5:2-5 runs through my mind, at least the key words of it. Suffering, endurance, character, hope. The order is intriguing and somewhat disconcerting. The hope comes so late in the list. But it is there. Maybe where I am living now is the hope of the hope. Trusting it is out there. Evidence of things not seen.
I see strength in the continuing on. Endurance. Character. Who doesn’t want those things? And the suffering somehow paves the way, makes the space, carves out the way in the middle of the wilderness.
And I rest from the striving and the picturing the need for so much more strength than I have in this moment. Daily bread. Every morning mercies.
“Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”
Romans 5:2-5 ESV