Today is a hard day.
The pathways in my mind and heart that say that they will be home at some point are more often getting the message that it is not true. The waves. The way is so long. If there is strength for this journey it must come from my Savior. I have nothing that equips me other than that.
So today I rest and cry and feel. It’s not from a great wealth of wisdom, but only because it is all I can see to do.
Romans 5:2-5 runs through my mind, at least the key words of it. Suffering, endurance, character, hope. The order is intriguing and somewhat disconcerting. The hope comes so late in the list. But it is there. Maybe where I am living now is the hope of the hope. Trusting it is out there. Evidence of things not seen.
I see strength in the continuing on. Endurance. Character. Who doesn’t want those things? And the suffering somehow paves the way, makes the space, carves out the way in the middle of the wilderness.
And so I walk. Or I allow myself to be carried if that’s all I can do for today. My wilderness guide knows the way. He has all the provisions I need.
And I rest from the striving and the picturing the need for so much more strength than I have in this moment. Daily bread. Every morning mercies.
“Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”
Romans 5:2-5 ESV
The unexpected journey into grief 
Hoping for Hope is a beautiful way to describe your hard day in rough journey. May God pour out grace for each new step, and every stop for rest along the way.
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So many times I want to say something to convey my care and encourage your heart. I fumble for words that never come. Allowing us to walk with you in this beautifully hard journey is teaching me beyond measure. I wonder at times is God’s grace going to be enough for the trials and grief that come with life and love? Yes! One day at a time. One moment at a time. I see God’s grace flowing through you. Thank you friend. I look forward to seeing you this weekend and giving you a hug.
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Praying for you, dear sister.
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So much truth. Love you sweet sister.
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Thank you for writing.
It is a privilege to get a small glimpse of your heart.
You are such a godly example to many.
Praying for you regularly.
May the presence of Jesus be extra powerful in your life, my friend.
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I had never thought about how hope comes so late in the list. It’s really true. It is the beautiful fruit born after adversity. But I think I’d prefer the fruit to the pain. That does not seem to be the way of the cross. Thank you for processing here. As always, love and prayers.
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